Heartbroken

Every time I have taken a pregnancy test over the last two years, I have experienced heartbreak, but nothing like this. That was probably the worst day I have had in a long time. I wasn't prepared to find out the way I did. Not only has this been so hard on me emotionally but physically as well. My body has been so out of whack. I have gained so much weight and I am not comfortable in my own skin. I told myself that it would all be worth it and I would drop the weight after I had a baby. Why did I let myself get my hopes up when I knew the success rate was so low. Its so hard though how do you not get your hopes up when you put yourself through so much physically and emotionally? I haven't felt like that in so long. I completely shut down. I couldn't talk to anyone. I just had to get away. I told myself I needed some time to not think about it at all and getting away from everything would be the best way for me to do that. I didn't really let myself think about it and that was nice. Now I can look at the situation with a clear head. Its going to be tough to go down this road again...